Recently I found a load of diaries and poetry I’d written from the age of nine to fifteen or so. It was bizarre reading them, and lovely. But what did I ultimately realise? That I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, daft, sexy, feminist, energetic, loud, up for a laugh, weird, geeky, out-there and a bit “boy mad”- yeah all of those things rolled into one. It is possible. I’m all those things and more.
Without writing as an outlet over the years I think I would have burst. I have used it to work through my emotions, exercise the demons and answer the ‘big questions’ like ‘why am I still single at thirty-three?’
The truth is I am one happy girl, a huge majority of the time.
Until 2020 I was bouncing around the world and the UK. Experiencing things and turning my adventures into articles and reviews. I quit my teaching job at the start of 2020, my main focus, my writing career!
Then lockdown, and all that, everything cancelled. Yes, loads of time to write. But since I wasn’t out and about, seeing people and socialising, my juices weren’t flowing. Ok it might have been the lack of stimuli but the alcohol was certainly flowing. I live with my brother and the sun was out. We were both off work- this was not the plan! We rapidly became accustomed to days in the garden, living off barbecue food, rum punch and beer.
I am prone to over-indulging. I try to counter this with exercise. I can be lazy. I counter this by signing up to things (2019 it was three 5k obstacle challenge courses- there is a blog post, of course)
2020 and there were no such ‘challenges’. So I concentrated on my general fitness and pole dancing. I filmed my progress and I am so glad I did. At least one of my skills got flexed as planned.
Which leads me to now; the end of 2020. I’m a semi-skilled pole dancer, tormented writer with a fetish for cheese toasties at 2am and a moderate drinking problem. It is lockdown once again and everyone is just trying to survive. Everything I planned for the year got turned on its head. And a lot of what I was working toward in my future is now a load of what-ifs and maybes.
My writing is my connection to the world. I hope to get my camper van in 2021. Wherever I end up I’ll have a boot full of books and they’ll be free to take. I want to be surrounded by books as I drive around and explore. So if you have books to donate, I’ll take them. My friends have already been supplying me. My brother doesn’t know how many of the cupboards in our house are filled with books!